Hi Taylor! I love your story about Rama and Sita's possible exile. It was so interesting, I wanted it to keep going! I found Sita and Rama's love story to be really interesting. She stood by him through thick and thin and now he on the verge of turning her away. Although we'd all like them to end up together, I think it is important to point out the possibility of a failed reconciliation. You did a very good job bringing personality to both Rama and Sita. I feel really bad for Sita, especially since we as readers know that she did not commit infidelity. It also brings new light to Rama, I lost a little bit of respect for him during this part of the story. He is not showing true commitment. I'm glad, in your story, Sita is doubting whether she even wants to be married to him. I like how you brought the crowd into the story and described them as well. You put a lot of detail in your Intro and your first story. That made it very easy to picture in my mind. I like your coverage and your pictures, they went well with your story. I will definitely keep reading the rest of your stories! Really good job!
Taylor, I think your cover page is great! That photo of Rama does a great job of displaying his skin color and how I would have realistically imagined him! Lakshmana looks just like Rama and it is really shown in this photo! I like the way you structured your introduction in a similar format of the Ramayana! I think the reader will really enjoy how you created a scene that we have not seen but is so believable. Your description of how Sita feels at that moment and then when she begins to daydream about her past views of Rama is truly moving! Your writing is excellent! Everything that you have said has been building up this anticipation for what is going to happen next. I really enjoy reading your writing. I cannot wait to see where you take this. It could go so many ways! You left your reader very intrigued and I wish I had thought of writing mine in a format similar to yours! I cannot think of anything that you need to improve on, honestly. The way that you left the reader on the introduction page with the open interpretation of how Sita’s argument may sway is just beyond great! Keep up the great work and I cannot wait to read your next posts!
Hi Taylor! I love the way you chose to start the story. Your cover page with the picture of Rama, Sita, and Lakshmana shows how they are bonded. The picture also does a good job of depicting Rama with blue skin and making it look realistic. You can also see that Lakshmana and Rama are definitely related. Going into the introduction, it starts off very well written. As it progresses, it becomes more apparent that the honeymoon stage is over. I certainly lose respect for Rama as the story unfolds. He appears to be heartless, caring only for his reputation at this point. When he says that if she cannot prove herself, she will be exiled to loneliness, I can't believe him. I love the way you display emotions, stirring both the audience in the story and the readers. I think that you are doing a good job at portraying the despair and sorrow that Sita is going through. I appreciate how you show her shock at Rama's behavior, as well as making her question if it is even worth going back to him if she passes his "trial." I cannot think of any way for you to improve this section. Keep up the good work! I can't wait to read more of your stories!
Hi Taylor. On first visiting your storybook I noticed how simple the layout was. I say this as a compliment, it looks very clean and easy to navigate. Under you navigation tab you might want to rearrange the page links so that the introduction comes before the first chapter of your storybook, as I was confused for a moment when trying to navigate. If this is by design, then ignore my silly comment. Personally, I had trouble getting the navigation link to behave and appear in the correct order. Your introduction does a great job setting the tone for your storybook. As a reader I felt like I was in the crowd waiting to witness the most important verdict the world had ever seen. Your introduction also does a great job of getting inside Sita's head and showing the reader how she feels about the trial. As a reader I felt terrible for Sita, as she had not done anything wrong. As the trial began, I like how you had the crowd acting as a peanut gallery. I can't imagine having to pour my heart out in front of such a crowd, Sita is truly a brave woman. You did a great job of making sure the reader felt the emotions of Sita. I look forward to reading more of your storybook!
I am so excited that you didn’t to do this for your storybook, Taylor! I feel like the Ramayana did not delve into this portion of the story nearly enough and I’m very interested to see where you go with it. Plus, I’m a sucker for any storybook with the word versus in it! I think you have some great pictures chosen, but your storybook is very boring. Lacking, per say. The storybook layout you’ve chosen is very bleak and plain and leaves nothing to the imagination. I think your stories you’ve put up have been really great so far, but they fall blank (literally) on such a bland storybook. I know I haven’t really fixed up my storybook much, but I have at least given it a generic theme whereas yours is default blankness. I think this is really the only issue with your storybook right now and there are just so many things you could do to fix the problem! There are a million and one great themes to chose from and Google sites is really simple to learn how to personalize things. You’ve got great things going here, and once you make your storybook mirror that, I think you’ll have a brilliant storybook. But, you have to put in the effort and learn.
Hi Taylor. Thanks for all your comments on my stories. It's always nice to know that other people like what you've written. Your feedback has helped me be more confident that my storybook idea works, and I'm glad you like it enough to read more of my stories.
Hey Taylor! First off, I love how your storybook pits the epic lovers against each other; it's really a unique take on what happened, but I can definitely see where it is coming from. Also, I find your choice in coverpage image intriguing, as it is a painting where Rama and Sita are clearly in love and companionable, whereas the title above it ("Love on Trial") emphasizes a certain distance and antagonistic relationship between the two of them. So interesting choice. . .
In your introduction, what really caught my attention at first was the presence of Ravana. The fact that he is present at all--even if in a different form, maybe especially so--creates a kind of ominous portent right off the bat. Then your description of Sita shuddering because Rama is being so cold and believes Sita guilty really resonates with my take on the story and further creates an unfortunate and almost disastrous atmosphere for the trial. You do a fantastic job in the introduction of really getting into Sita's head and portraying all of the various emotions and memories running through her mind. Great work!!
A lot of the same images carry into your first story, really working to unify the storybook into one cohesive story. And I love that you use emotions as "proof," as evidence of love everlasting. The crowd's reaction only further heightens the emotions you reference in Sita's tale and that really works to your advantage in creating a highly descriptive and enrapturing story.
The only thing I would possibly change is the layout of your storybook. The page is so white, blank, and plain that it kind of works against the emotional undertones of your story. But I feel if you played with some page themes and fonts and colors, you could only enhance your stories. Overall, though, fantastic job! I cannot wait to read the rest of your storybook!
Hi Taylor! Wow, I really love your storybook. First of all, I really love the topic that you chose to write about. I love that it is a "trial" and that you are speaking from Sita's point of view. I think this makes for some really interesting stories. I also love that pictures that you chose. I think one thing that you could change about the layout of the storybook would be to add in a background. I think that since there is such emotion in your storybook, that it would be really cool to make the background a light pastel color, or something that will further enhance the emotions. I really like that your introduction was leading into the trial and that the first story began right where the introduction ended. You write so beautifully, and I love that you had her speak of her relationship in more modern and relatable terms, like how we would describe our relationships today. I also really liked the intensity of your story, and that you added glimpses of the feelings of the crown and Rama as well. I think you did such a great job, and your storybook really stands out from the others!! Great work! I cannot wait to read more of your stories!
Taylor, I think the theme of your storybook is awesome, particularly because the part where Rama exiles Sita in the book is one of the more interesting parts to me. I was excited that you chose to explore this. Your cover page includes a picture that I think works since we are looking at the love between Rama and Sita and they are both depicted in this image. I liked the setup in your introduction. Having the whole city be witness to this ‘trial’ of Sita’s faithfulness is fitting since they are the ones who conducted rumors of her infidelity in the first place. I like how you include two separate characters thoughts while Rama begins the trial: Sita and Ravana. I think my only ‘critique’ would be that there could be more background on Ravana (not enough to take away a possible story but enough to let the reader understand more of why he is relevant to this trial to begin wit). Of course students in our class would understand but since there is a possibility that students from the myth-folklore class could comment on it for extra credit this could be useful to them. Also, the introduction of Ravana being present at the trial kind of happens in an awkward part of the intro..maybe it would be better to come at the end? Either way, you did a great job telling how he could be there hidden to begin with! I think you captured Sita’s emotions very well, it makes me sad that she does not feel more confident though since she knows the truth of her fidelity. I think including the outcome of the trial at this point would probably diminish having to read the trial stories though so good call on concealing the truth beforehand! Your first story was GREAT. I love the emotion you included in Sita’s dialogue. It is so sad to me that the people would act so dishearteningly though since they once saw her as a great queen and still after her exile, they continued to appreciate her. I am not sure if I am being picky here or not, it is just sad lol –which adds to the emotional aspect of the trial anyways so that is good! I am excited to read more stories from your storybook and I think you did a really awesome job in creating the framework so far!
Hi Taylor! I just wanted to stop by and thank you very much for the time and insight you provide in the comments you leave on my storytellings. I really appreciate your viewpoints and how you view what I write! So thank you for helping me understand what is and is not being understood by my readers so I can better my stories.
Hey Taylor, I was looking forward to reading more of your storybook because I really enjoyed reading your previous stories and wanted to stop by and read the new ones. You have done a great job yet again with your new stories. I love the pictures you have chosen this time around and also like how you portrayed Rama and Sita's feelings in a different point of view. I think it is quite stupid that Rama would believe others over his lady love, I mean isn't their love divine? Why would he just believe someone over her? I think it's stupid but I am glad at the end they come over all the hurdles and stay happy with their kids. I like how you wrote the accusations story because it gives the idea to the audience as well as keeps them in suspense which is exactly what you want your readers to anticipate for the next. Great job, I think you have the right idea for your readers and your writing style is great as well. I would maybe add some color to your book to make it more interesting, just a suggestion! Great job, can't wait to read and see what you add next week! Good job.
Hey good evening Taylor! I really enjoyed reading your stories. The imagery you used was very vibrant and in good detail. They theme you chose to use was very enticing and spurred me to continue reading onto the next chapter. While making my way through the storybook, I kind of felt as though I was reading the script for Jerry Springer. Another positive point I would like to make is how much feeling and remorse you were able to weave into the story. While reading you could easily feel Sita’s pain and the cold unforgiving stance of the towns people. I thought the addition of Ravana was pretty great too. I’ll be kind of curious as to how he will play a part in the stories to come. Also, the pictures you added to your storybook were very nice and truly helped with the imagery of the stories. The design of your storybook is also very well done. It is easy to navigate and contains a pleasingly basic background, along with an easy to read font. I really hope I get a chance to visit your storybook again. Keep up the great work! Cannot wait to read more of your stories.
Hi Taylor! I really love your storybook! The format is very clean and readable, and the images look great against the white background. I love the trial format and that Sita has to defend herself. I thought it was really interesting that you brought Ravana back, and I'm excited to see how you explore that element. I really empathized with Sita, and I found myself feeling offended for her because of Rama's awful treatment of his devoted wife. Well done! I like how we see the story through Sita's eyes-- I did something similar with mine, but I really liked the format that you used. Your portrayed the raw emotion of Sita and the crowd while maintaining that Rama is cold and distant. It was a stark contrast, and it was really powerful. The village people were truly ridiculous, and you wrote that so well! The village girls and their mothers were the worst! Rama wasn't even rid of Sita yet, and they were already proposing! You showed how strange it was for Rama to go with the people instead of the only person who stood by him through trials. I really liked your storybook, and I am really looking forward to reading more!!!!!!
This is the second visit I have made to your storybook and I am very pleased to get to comment on the newest story page- ‘Accusations gone awry’. I was so surprised that the townspeople were so intent on blaming Sita for being unfaithful when they had no proof! I think you did a good job of tying their mentality on this case to how society today views politicians or other public figures. The crowd mentality is definitely a thing that goes along with how this story is played out. I also thought it was interesting that the man who spoke up was pretty confident in Sita’s actions as unfaithful that he offers up not only Rama’s hand in marriage, but the women in the town as well to Rama. I realize probably all of the women there would gladly take the position of Rama’s wife but why wouldn’t they see how Sita’s predicament is being so closely scrutinized? I have no critiques for you on this story, because I think it is very good and thought out. I really like how your storybook has the ability to get me angry in a way about the situation with Sita and the townspeople and Rama. Emotion in your storybook provokes emotion in your reader so great work!
This is my second visit to your storybook, and I noticed that you fixed the links appearing out of order. These things were frustrating for me, good to see that you got them to go in the correct order as well.
Your second story picks up right where the first one left off, and it was easy for me to tell what was going on even though I had not read the first story in a few weeks. You continued to do a great job of getting inside Sita's head and writing as her. You portray her as a very brave woman standing defiantly against the mob. I couldn't imagine spilling out my guts in front of a crowd whose gossip was the sole reason for this predicament. Sita gives a great performance at her trial, and describes all the times she remained faithful to Rama even though it made her life harder. I think your author's note did a great job of explaining where your inspiration came from and why you chose to write what you did.
In your third story you did a great job of creating another antagonist. I found myself hating the man that came forward and lied about what Sita had done. I also think that Rama is a coward for leaving it up to a popular vote. So many terrible things in history have been done due to a mob mentality, and you do a great job of creating another one of these instances.
Taylor, this is my third visit to your storybook and I am so pleased with how you ended it!! From the beginning you were able to draw the reader in with emotions and having people stand up for both Rama and Sita created a more whole story I think. I was surprised that the townspeople ended up siding with Sita in the end because they were so aggressive and cutthroat before the words of the old man in the third story. I like how you added that a few of them were undecided during the vote, this added to the suspense. The ultimate decision of Sita to leave the town and Rama I think was perfect. This leaves the reader seeing her as a bright and strong woman. Throughout the trial it may have seemed all she wanted was to stay in the kingdom and with Rama, the trial gave her the right perspective that leads her to a better life in the long run. I like how you added the reactions of Rama during Sita’s proclamation of her separation. He got what he deserves in my opinion and I think this storybook would have fit right in with the Ramayana and would have made her exile an easier bite to chew so to speak. Great job!
Taylor, oh my gosh your stories have been awesome so far! I loved the ending of your storybook because it was unique and something I didn't expect. I think you did a great job with the two stories since the last time I visited your book. I love the titles of each stories so far, I think they are super appealing and definitely inviting the readers to want to read the stories. I think it only makes sense to give Sita the chance of wanting to do and feel how she wants to. I think I agree with your concept of ending the book, its really awesome! I love the pictures you chose for the two stories. I think they are unique and bring out the idea in a clearer way and bring out the idea to life. I especially love the picture you chose for the last story because it is new and something I have never ran into before. I think you did a great job with your storybook and you have all your ideas and concepts clear and figured out. Great job Taylor! I hope to work on mine this week and hopefully use your creativity into my storybook ideas as well. Good job again!
Hey Taylor! I hope you have had a great week so far! Your cover page is very neat and crisp. Your introduction sounds great and is making me very excited to read your first story. All of the titles you have chosen for your stories seem to be right on point,. I like how you really got into the mind of Sita in the first story. You did a great job of really expressing her emotions and the way she feels. I was very shocked in the way the town people acted. I also love how Rama got what he deserved! You did a very great job on your introduction and first story! You are such a talented writer! Keep up the good work and I look forward to reading your other stories in the future weeks!
Hey Taylor! I believe I have read the very beginning of your storybook before. It looks very familiar! I really like that way you're going about your storybook. I've written about Sita and Rama from Sita's point of view so it's interesting to read someone else's view on the same thing. I think we have similar ideas of what would be going on in Sita's head. I love love love that Sita finally stood up for herself in your most recent story. That is what I had hoped would happen. You did a great job portraying how she might be feeling in this moment : sad but certain. I wouldn't want to be with someone who doubts me either. I'm also glad she stayed in the town. She shouldn't have to leave just because their relationship didn't pan out. And I totally agree with you when you said that he couldn't find anyone like Sita. She was so committed to him. I hope to read more of your stories as the semester goes on! Good job!
Hello again, Taylor!! Getting right back into your storybook, I still love how you are able to delve into the emotions of the tale without needing to add in excess, over-the-top detail. I really enjoyed how you portrayed Sita’s accuser in “Accusations Gone Awry,” how you had him state the thoughts that everyone had, how you had him point out the holes in the Ramayana’s plot where it seemed Sita could have escaped or done more to help herself. Even though we, as more omniscient readers, know her reasons for remaining behind (even if we don’t ourselves fully understand them), these people do not. It only makes sense that her actions would be questioned.
I don’t know if you intended it this way, but the portion of the tale where the girls began to volunteer as Rama’s new wife only enhanced Sita’s desperation through the almost comic enthusiasm of the potential lovers. The fact that out of all the arguments they can present, the women in the crowd simply ask to wed Rama, is absurd and telling of Sita’s innocence and lack of evidence against her. And while I agree and always thought that Rama was wrong on so many levels to believe his people’s condemnations of Sita, this story only further served to paint him as a superficial king wishing only for the approval of the majority.
Another fantastic story! (Though I do still think you could enhance the overall atmosphere with a changed background, format, and/or font.)
Hey Taylor! This is the first time that I’ve taken a look at your storybook, but the title definitely drew me in. The idea of a trial in which we investigate Rama and Sita’s relationship seems like a very dramatic topic. Your coverpage looks good, but you might consider adding a theme to the background to provide some extra color and make it a little more exciting. One thing that I noticed is that it looks like you created a subpage at the bottom of your coverpage. I’m not sure if you did this on purpose, but I just wanted to let you know in case you didn’t mean to. The introduction was great! It definitely introduced us to the subject of your storybook, and I really enjoyed the picture. One suggestion that I have is that you might consider moving the picture up into the actual story, instead of using it to conclude the introduction. This would make much better use of the great image that you chose. I think that images are used most effectively when they’re placed earlier in a story or near the event that they are depicting because that allows them to have a greater influence on how the reader interprets the story. Your first story was also excellent! The only thing that I would change is the image location, and I really think that a background theme could help make the storybook look more exciting. Your writing is great though and I really enjoyed your storybook!
Hey Taylor! I had yet to look at your storybook until today and I wish I had taken a look sooner. I am extremely impressed with your writing ability and I love the topic that you chose to work with. I think it is a really interesting viewpoint and provided you with a lot of possible routes that the stories could go. I think you chose a good picture for your intro page but I would suggesting adding a bit of color. Nothing to bright or optimistic, she is on trial, but just a little something to draw in your readers. Other than that I think you have a good starting page for your storybook. I read through your first story and enjoyed every line of it. I think you did a wonderful job of adding in important details that helped to picture just what Sita was going through and seeing all around her. I also liked that you described the changes that Rama had gone through since their marriage. His character completely changes around this time and he is almost forced to lose faith in Sita. I think the image that you chose works well in this section of the story. Although that image comes from the time she is truly tested by fire, it depicts the type of emotion she may be feeling. She is literally in the hot seat awaiting her trial to begin and if things don't go as they should she faces a life without her love or the company of others. Overall this is an awesome storybook with some great tales inside. Hope you have a great rest of the semester and good luck on your finals!
Hi Taylor!
ReplyDeleteI love your story about Rama and Sita's possible exile. It was so interesting, I wanted it to keep going! I found Sita and Rama's love story to be really interesting. She stood by him through thick and thin and now he on the verge of turning her away. Although we'd all like them to end up together, I think it is important to point out the possibility of a failed reconciliation. You did a very good job bringing personality to both Rama and Sita. I feel really bad for Sita, especially since we as readers know that she did not commit infidelity. It also brings new light to Rama, I lost a little bit of respect for him during this part of the story. He is not showing true commitment. I'm glad, in your story, Sita is doubting whether she even wants to be married to him.
I like how you brought the crowd into the story and described them as well. You put a lot of detail in your Intro and your first story. That made it very easy to picture in my mind.
I like your coverage and your pictures, they went well with your story.
I will definitely keep reading the rest of your stories! Really good job!
Taylor, I think your cover page is great! That photo of Rama does a great job of displaying his skin color and how I would have realistically imagined him! Lakshmana looks just like Rama and it is really shown in this photo!
ReplyDeleteI like the way you structured your introduction in a similar format of the Ramayana! I think the reader will really enjoy how you created a scene that we have not seen but is so believable.
Your description of how Sita feels at that moment and then when she begins to daydream about her past views of Rama is truly moving! Your writing is excellent! Everything that you have said has been building up this anticipation for what is going to happen next. I really enjoy reading your writing. I cannot wait to see where you take this. It could go so many ways! You left your reader very intrigued and I wish I had thought of writing mine in a format similar to yours!
I cannot think of anything that you need to improve on, honestly. The way that you left the reader on the introduction page with the open interpretation of how Sita’s argument may sway is just beyond great! Keep up the great work and I cannot wait to read your next posts!
Hi Taylor! I love the way you chose to start the story. Your cover page with the picture of Rama, Sita, and Lakshmana shows how they are bonded. The picture also does a good job of depicting Rama with blue skin and making it look realistic. You can also see that Lakshmana and Rama are definitely related. Going into the introduction, it starts off very well written. As it progresses, it becomes more apparent that the honeymoon stage is over. I certainly lose respect for Rama as the story unfolds. He appears to be heartless, caring only for his reputation at this point. When he says that if she cannot prove herself, she will be exiled to loneliness, I can't believe him. I love the way you display emotions, stirring both the audience in the story and the readers. I think that you are doing a good job at portraying the despair and sorrow that Sita is going through. I appreciate how you show her shock at Rama's behavior, as well as making her question if it is even worth going back to him if she passes his "trial." I cannot think of any way for you to improve this section. Keep up the good work! I can't wait to read more of your stories!
ReplyDeleteHi Taylor. On first visiting your storybook I noticed how simple the layout was. I say this as a compliment, it looks very clean and easy to navigate. Under you navigation tab you might want to rearrange the page links so that the introduction comes before the first chapter of your storybook, as I was confused for a moment when trying to navigate. If this is by design, then ignore my silly comment. Personally, I had trouble getting the navigation link to behave and appear in the correct order. Your introduction does a great job setting the tone for your storybook. As a reader I felt like I was in the crowd waiting to witness the most important verdict the world had ever seen. Your introduction also does a great job of getting inside Sita's head and showing the reader how she feels about the trial. As a reader I felt terrible for Sita, as she had not done anything wrong. As the trial began, I like how you had the crowd acting as a peanut gallery. I can't imagine having to pour my heart out in front of such a crowd, Sita is truly a brave woman. You did a great job of making sure the reader felt the emotions of Sita. I look forward to reading more of your storybook!
ReplyDeleteI am so excited that you didn’t to do this for your storybook, Taylor! I feel like the Ramayana did not delve into this portion of the story nearly enough and I’m very interested to see where you go with it. Plus, I’m a sucker for any storybook with the word versus in it! I think you have some great pictures chosen, but your storybook is very boring. Lacking, per say. The storybook layout you’ve chosen is very bleak and plain and leaves nothing to the imagination. I think your stories you’ve put up have been really great so far, but they fall blank (literally) on such a bland storybook. I know I haven’t really fixed up my storybook much, but I have at least given it a generic theme whereas yours is default blankness. I think this is really the only issue with your storybook right now and there are just so many things you could do to fix the problem! There are a million and one great themes to chose from and Google sites is really simple to learn how to personalize things. You’ve got great things going here, and once you make your storybook mirror that, I think you’ll have a brilliant storybook. But, you have to put in the effort and learn.
ReplyDeleteHi Taylor. Thanks for all your comments on my stories. It's always nice to know that other people like what you've written. Your feedback has helped me be more confident that my storybook idea works, and I'm glad you like it enough to read more of my stories.
ReplyDeleteHey Taylor! First off, I love how your storybook pits the epic lovers against each other; it's really a unique take on what happened, but I can definitely see where it is coming from. Also, I find your choice in coverpage image intriguing, as it is a painting where Rama and Sita are clearly in love and companionable, whereas the title above it ("Love on Trial") emphasizes a certain distance and antagonistic relationship between the two of them. So interesting choice. . .
ReplyDeleteIn your introduction, what really caught my attention at first was the presence of Ravana. The fact that he is present at all--even if in a different form, maybe especially so--creates a kind of ominous portent right off the bat. Then your description of Sita shuddering because Rama is being so cold and believes Sita guilty really resonates with my take on the story and further creates an unfortunate and almost disastrous atmosphere for the trial. You do a fantastic job in the introduction of really getting into Sita's head and portraying all of the various emotions and memories running through her mind. Great work!!
A lot of the same images carry into your first story, really working to unify the storybook into one cohesive story. And I love that you use emotions as "proof," as evidence of love everlasting. The crowd's reaction only further heightens the emotions you reference in Sita's tale and that really works to your advantage in creating a highly descriptive and enrapturing story.
The only thing I would possibly change is the layout of your storybook. The page is so white, blank, and plain that it kind of works against the emotional undertones of your story. But I feel if you played with some page themes and fonts and colors, you could only enhance your stories. Overall, though, fantastic job! I cannot wait to read the rest of your storybook!
Hi Taylor! Wow, I really love your storybook. First of all, I really love the topic that you chose to write about. I love that it is a "trial" and that you are speaking from Sita's point of view. I think this makes for some really interesting stories. I also love that pictures that you chose. I think one thing that you could change about the layout of the storybook would be to add in a background. I think that since there is such emotion in your storybook, that it would be really cool to make the background a light pastel color, or something that will further enhance the emotions. I really like that your introduction was leading into the trial and that the first story began right where the introduction ended. You write so beautifully, and I love that you had her speak of her relationship in more modern and relatable terms, like how we would describe our relationships today. I also really liked the intensity of your story, and that you added glimpses of the feelings of the crown and Rama as well. I think you did such a great job, and your storybook really stands out from the others!! Great work! I cannot wait to read more of your stories!
ReplyDeleteTaylor, I think the theme of your storybook is awesome, particularly because the part where Rama exiles Sita in the book is one of the more interesting parts to me. I was excited that you chose to explore this. Your cover page includes a picture that I think works since we are looking at the love between Rama and Sita and they are both depicted in this image.
ReplyDeleteI liked the setup in your introduction. Having the whole city be witness to this ‘trial’ of Sita’s faithfulness is fitting since they are the ones who conducted rumors of her infidelity in the first place. I like how you include two separate characters thoughts while Rama begins the trial: Sita and Ravana. I think my only ‘critique’ would be that there could be more background on Ravana (not enough to take away a possible story but enough to let the reader understand more of why he is relevant to this trial to begin wit). Of course students in our class would understand but since there is a possibility that students from the myth-folklore class could comment on it for extra credit this could be useful to them. Also, the introduction of Ravana being present at the trial kind of happens in an awkward part of the intro..maybe it would be better to come at the end? Either way, you did a great job telling how he could be there hidden to begin with! I think you captured Sita’s emotions very well, it makes me sad that she does not feel more confident though since she knows the truth of her fidelity. I think including the outcome of the trial at this point would probably diminish having to read the trial stories though so good call on concealing the truth beforehand!
Your first story was GREAT. I love the emotion you included in Sita’s dialogue. It is so sad to me that the people would act so dishearteningly though since they once saw her as a great queen and still after her exile, they continued to appreciate her. I am not sure if I am being picky here or not, it is just sad lol –which adds to the emotional aspect of the trial anyways so that is good! I am excited to read more stories from your storybook and I think you did a really awesome job in creating the framework so far!
Hi Taylor! I just wanted to stop by and thank you very much for the time and insight you provide in the comments you leave on my storytellings. I really appreciate your viewpoints and how you view what I write! So thank you for helping me understand what is and is not being understood by my readers so I can better my stories.
ReplyDeleteHey Taylor, I was looking forward to reading more of your storybook because I really enjoyed reading your previous stories and wanted to stop by and read the new ones. You have done a great job yet again with your new stories. I love the pictures you have chosen this time around and also like how you portrayed Rama and Sita's feelings in a different point of view. I think it is quite stupid that Rama would believe others over his lady love, I mean isn't their love divine? Why would he just believe someone over her? I think it's stupid but I am glad at the end they come over all the hurdles and stay happy with their kids. I like how you wrote the accusations story because it gives the idea to the audience as well as keeps them in suspense which is exactly what you want your readers to anticipate for the next. Great job, I think you have the right idea for your readers and your writing style is great as well. I would maybe add some color to your book to make it more interesting, just a suggestion! Great job, can't wait to read and see what you add next week! Good job.
ReplyDeleteHey good evening Taylor! I really enjoyed reading your stories. The imagery you used was very vibrant and in good detail. They theme you chose to use was very enticing and spurred me to continue reading onto the next chapter. While making my way through the storybook, I kind of felt as though I was reading the script for Jerry Springer. Another positive point I would like to make is how much feeling and remorse you were able to weave into the story. While reading you could easily feel Sita’s pain and the cold unforgiving stance of the towns people. I thought the addition of Ravana was pretty great too. I’ll be kind of curious as to how he will play a part in the stories to come. Also, the pictures you added to your storybook were very nice and truly helped with the imagery of the stories. The design of your storybook is also very well done. It is easy to navigate and contains a pleasingly basic background, along with an easy to read font. I really hope I get a chance to visit your storybook again. Keep up the great work! Cannot wait to read more of your stories.
ReplyDeleteHi Taylor! I really love your storybook! The format is very clean and readable, and the images look great against the white background. I love the trial format and that Sita has to defend herself. I thought it was really interesting that you brought Ravana back, and I'm excited to see how you explore that element. I really empathized with Sita, and I found myself feeling offended for her because of Rama's awful treatment of his devoted wife. Well done! I like how we see the story through Sita's eyes-- I did something similar with mine, but I really liked the format that you used. Your portrayed the raw emotion of Sita and the crowd while maintaining that Rama is cold and distant. It was a stark contrast, and it was really powerful. The village people were truly ridiculous, and you wrote that so well! The village girls and their mothers were the worst! Rama wasn't even rid of Sita yet, and they were already proposing! You showed how strange it was for Rama to go with the people instead of the only person who stood by him through trials. I really liked your storybook, and I am really looking forward to reading more!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteThis is the second visit I have made to your storybook and I am very pleased to get to comment on the newest story page- ‘Accusations gone awry’. I was so surprised that the townspeople were so intent on blaming Sita for being unfaithful when they had no proof! I think you did a good job of tying their mentality on this case to how society today views politicians or other public figures. The crowd mentality is definitely a thing that goes along with how this story is played out. I also thought it was interesting that the man who spoke up was pretty confident in Sita’s actions as unfaithful that he offers up not only Rama’s hand in marriage, but the women in the town as well to Rama. I realize probably all of the women there would gladly take the position of Rama’s wife but why wouldn’t they see how Sita’s predicament is being so closely scrutinized? I have no critiques for you on this story, because I think it is very good and thought out. I really like how your storybook has the ability to get me angry in a way about the situation with Sita and the townspeople and Rama. Emotion in your storybook provokes emotion in your reader so great work!
ReplyDeleteThis is my second visit to your storybook, and I noticed that you fixed the links appearing out of order. These things were frustrating for me, good to see that you got them to go in the correct order as well.
ReplyDeleteYour second story picks up right where the first one left off, and it was easy for me to tell what was going on even though I had not read the first story in a few weeks. You continued to do a great job of getting inside Sita's head and writing as her. You portray her as a very brave woman standing defiantly against the mob. I couldn't imagine spilling out my guts in front of a crowd whose gossip was the sole reason for this predicament. Sita gives a great performance at her trial, and describes all the times she remained faithful to Rama even though it made her life harder. I think your author's note did a great job of explaining where your inspiration came from and why you chose to write what you did.
In your third story you did a great job of creating another antagonist. I found myself hating the man that came forward and lied about what Sita had done. I also think that Rama is a coward for leaving it up to a popular vote. So many terrible things in history have been done due to a mob mentality, and you do a great job of creating another one of these instances.
Taylor, this is my third visit to your storybook and I am so pleased with how you ended it!! From the beginning you were able to draw the reader in with emotions and having people stand up for both Rama and Sita created a more whole story I think. I was surprised that the townspeople ended up siding with Sita in the end because they were so aggressive and cutthroat before the words of the old man in the third story. I like how you added that a few of them were undecided during the vote, this added to the suspense. The ultimate decision of Sita to leave the town and Rama I think was perfect. This leaves the reader seeing her as a bright and strong woman. Throughout the trial it may have seemed all she wanted was to stay in the kingdom and with Rama, the trial gave her the right perspective that leads her to a better life in the long run. I like how you added the reactions of Rama during Sita’s proclamation of her separation. He got what he deserves in my opinion and I think this storybook would have fit right in with the Ramayana and would have made her exile an easier bite to chew so to speak. Great job!
ReplyDeleteTaylor, oh my gosh your stories have been awesome so far! I loved the ending of your storybook because it was unique and something I didn't expect. I think you did a great job with the two stories since the last time I visited your book. I love the titles of each stories so far, I think they are super appealing and definitely inviting the readers to want to read the stories. I think it only makes sense to give Sita the chance of wanting to do and feel how she wants to. I think I agree with your concept of ending the book, its really awesome! I love the pictures you chose for the two stories. I think they are unique and bring out the idea in a clearer way and bring out the idea to life. I especially love the picture you chose for the last story because it is new and something I have never ran into before. I think you did a great job with your storybook and you have all your ideas and concepts clear and figured out. Great job Taylor! I hope to work on mine this week and hopefully use your creativity into my storybook ideas as well. Good job again!
ReplyDeleteHey Taylor! I hope you have had a great week so far! Your cover page is very neat and crisp. Your introduction sounds great and is making me very excited to read your first story. All of the titles you have chosen for your stories seem to be right on point,. I like how you really got into the mind of Sita in the first story. You did a great job of really expressing her emotions and the way she feels. I was very shocked in the way the town people acted. I also love how Rama got what he deserved! You did a very great job on your introduction and first story! You are such a talented writer! Keep up the good work and I look forward to reading your other stories in the future weeks!
ReplyDeleteHey Taylor!
ReplyDeleteI believe I have read the very beginning of your storybook before. It looks very familiar! I really like that way you're going about your storybook. I've written about Sita and Rama from Sita's point of view so it's interesting to read someone else's view on the same thing. I think we have similar ideas of what would be going on in Sita's head.
I love love love that Sita finally stood up for herself in your most recent story. That is what I had hoped would happen. You did a great job portraying how she might be feeling in this moment : sad but certain. I wouldn't want to be with someone who doubts me either.
I'm also glad she stayed in the town. She shouldn't have to leave just because their relationship didn't pan out. And I totally agree with you when you said that he couldn't find anyone like Sita. She was so committed to him.
I hope to read more of your stories as the semester goes on! Good job!
Hello again, Taylor!! Getting right back into your storybook, I still love how you are able to delve into the emotions of the tale without needing to add in excess, over-the-top detail. I really enjoyed how you portrayed Sita’s accuser in “Accusations Gone Awry,” how you had him state the thoughts that everyone had, how you had him point out the holes in the Ramayana’s plot where it seemed Sita could have escaped or done more to help herself. Even though we, as more omniscient readers, know her reasons for remaining behind (even if we don’t ourselves fully understand them), these people do not. It only makes sense that her actions would be questioned.
ReplyDeleteI don’t know if you intended it this way, but the portion of the tale where the girls began to volunteer as Rama’s new wife only enhanced Sita’s desperation through the almost comic enthusiasm of the potential lovers. The fact that out of all the arguments they can present, the women in the crowd simply ask to wed Rama, is absurd and telling of Sita’s innocence and lack of evidence against her. And while I agree and always thought that Rama was wrong on so many levels to believe his people’s condemnations of Sita, this story only further served to paint him as a superficial king wishing only for the approval of the majority.
Another fantastic story! (Though I do still think you could enhance the overall atmosphere with a changed background, format, and/or font.)
Hey Taylor! This is the first time that I’ve taken a look at your storybook, but the title definitely drew me in. The idea of a trial in which we investigate Rama and Sita’s relationship seems like a very dramatic topic.
ReplyDeleteYour coverpage looks good, but you might consider adding a theme to the background to provide some extra color and make it a little more exciting. One thing that I noticed is that it looks like you created a subpage at the bottom of your coverpage. I’m not sure if you did this on purpose, but I just wanted to let you know in case you didn’t mean to.
The introduction was great! It definitely introduced us to the subject of your storybook, and I really enjoyed the picture. One suggestion that I have is that you might consider moving the picture up into the actual story, instead of using it to conclude the introduction. This would make much better use of the great image that you chose. I think that images are used most effectively when they’re placed earlier in a story or near the event that they are depicting because that allows them to have a greater influence on how the reader interprets the story.
Your first story was also excellent! The only thing that I would change is the image location, and I really think that a background theme could help make the storybook look more exciting. Your writing is great though and I really enjoyed your storybook!
Hey Taylor! I had yet to look at your storybook until today and I wish I had taken a look sooner. I am extremely impressed with your writing ability and I love the topic that you chose to work with. I think it is a really interesting viewpoint and provided you with a lot of possible routes that the stories could go.
ReplyDeleteI think you chose a good picture for your intro page but I would suggesting adding a bit of color. Nothing to bright or optimistic, she is on trial, but just a little something to draw in your readers. Other than that I think you have a good starting page for your storybook.
I read through your first story and enjoyed every line of it. I think you did a wonderful job of adding in important details that helped to picture just what Sita was going through and seeing all around her. I also liked that you described the changes that Rama had gone through since their marriage. His character completely changes around this time and he is almost forced to lose faith in Sita. I think the image that you chose works well in this section of the story. Although that image comes from the time she is truly tested by fire, it depicts the type of emotion she may be feeling. She is literally in the hot seat awaiting her trial to begin and if things don't go as they should she faces a life without her love or the company of others. Overall this is an awesome storybook with some great tales inside. Hope you have a great rest of the semester and good luck on your finals!